


Acrimony

by lafemmestars



Series: some sacrifice everything... [1]
Category: Oxenfree
Genre: Angst, F/F, and also!! Spoilers, au I guess where the ghosts leave them the fuck alone??, making out? Very likely, post-cannon, two girls dealing with their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-13 12:22:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14112252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafemmestars/pseuds/lafemmestars
Summary: "We don't speak of this. At all."





	1. Wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when you write a one-shot then you decide "wow! I ship this now I guess!" And then decide to write a whole story.

The sun set beautifully on the water, turning it a deep blue mixed with gold. It wasn’t something that was usually appreciated by most. Some detested the ocean, while others didn’t mind or didn’t care for it. Some loved to swim in it, others simply loved to stare and watch it, the waves lazily lapping at their feet. Many loved to take excursions out to the beach with friends, family, or simply went alone, and some preferred to just stay at home, going about their days without going to the beach. It all depended on the person.

Such as Clarissa and Alex. Clarissa stood away from the water, pressing her back against the rock wall and putting a cigarette to her lips. She cautiously kept her brown eyes on the waves and Alex, ready to go help her if the situation called for it, but also timorous of the water. She stood her distance from it.

On the other hand, Alex sat slightly close to the ocean, letting the crisp breeze kiss her skin. Taking in the sight, she didn’t care too much about the thought of not liking the water because her weariness had overtook her. Instead, she was more perturbed about something that plagued her thoughts. 

They said nothing to each other since they had gotten to the island. Neither wanted to come back, but both needed to gather their thoughts together without interruption. It was quite vexing and tedious, but they had to talk about it. They needed to work through it. 

Upon the sky starting to grow dark, Alex looked back at Clarissa as she fiddled with the sand, moving the tiny grains in rough circular movements mindlessly.

“Do you want to talk about this?” No answer, besides the dropping of the cigarette to pick up a beer bottle. Clarissa casually sipped it, pretending the tension wasn’t there.

“…. Hey, I didn’t waste fifteen dollars for a ticket to come here on the boat just to be awkward about this.” Alex huffed, looking back to the water.

“Well, quite frankly I don’t care. It’s just fifteen dollars, that’s not even the most important thing at the moment.” Clarissa said, going to stand by the other, practically towering over her.

Everything Alex did, it just hurt Clarissa. When she smiled, it reminded her of her pain, when she laughed it was a fierce reminder of her anger. _Anything she did was agonizingly painful._ Still, feelings for her were present and didn’t want to be ignored. 

She wanted to grab her by her shoulders and press her lips against her, mess up her teal hair and forget about any worries, but…

_She just couldn’t._

“What is important at the moment is the fact that we kissed and it’s so… so…”

“Weird.” Alex solemnly looked away, not wanting to face her anymore.

“Well, yes! It’s quite fucking weird!” She wanted to be angry about it, although she felt her stomach churn at the thought of blaming it for her. Her eyes softened and she sat down by her, trying her best to try being kinder. “Listen, it’s just… It’s hard to explain. I want…”

“What?” 

_No, Clarissa that’s wrong. Hands off of her._

Alex stared at her, holding her breath. Clarissa leaned close, tempted to pull her closer to close up the space between them. 

_You shouldn’t do it…_

Alex felt guilty. She couldn’t be with Clarissa, the girlfriend of her late brother, it just didn’t feel right. But at the same time, Clarissa was literally what she had wanted ever since they had met. Ever since Michael had them meet, each time she’d come over to the house, laughing and looking at Alex over her shoulder. She didn’t realize then that she had a crush on her brother’s girlfriend then. Now even looking at her felt wrong, like somehow she was going behind her brother’s back. He wanted to marry her, wanted to run off with her, which Alex had given her blessing to. 

Clarissa pressed her lips against Alex’s, grasping to her shoulders and pulling her closer. It took the other by surprise, slowly wrapping her arms around her and awkwardly trying to kiss back. They pulled away finally, Alex softly panted, feeling her cheeks redden as she watched the other stand and wipe her smudged red lipstick off of her lips. Alex rubbed Clarissa’s lipstick off of her lips, the same color of lipstick that Michael had on his neck once in a while after staying with Clarissa.

She stood up in a contrite manner, fixing the jacket she wore ~~that belonged to her brother. ~~~~~~

~~~~~~Just like Clarissa.~~~~~~

~~~~

~~~~

She started to walk, not looking at the taller girl. She glanced at her for a second, then turned away. Clarissa followed her, obviously confused but not too surprised. “We don’t speak of this. At all." Alex said finally as they approached the dock to wait for the boat. She could still taste the lipstick mixed with nicotine and alcohol on her lips.


	2. Complicated

"Alex."

.....

"Alex!"

Alex jolted awake, light brown eyes wide with fear. She quickly glanced around as though she was a dear in headlights, then jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

She turned to see Jonas sitting next to her, looking at her with curiosity in his green eyes. He frowned and ruffled her hair. "Wow. You uh kinda hibernated for a long time there. Didn't know my sister was part bear." He jested, grinning and trying to lighten up the situation. She blinked, trying to think completely straight, then nodded. "Uh yeah..." She felt a rush of cold air, which sucked big time because Alex didn't have her jacket with her today. Jonas eyed her curiously, then closed his French textbook. 

"So, is something wrong? Anything going on you want to speak to your brother about? Because you aren't coming up with any good comebacks today, and oh, I don't know... You seem to be sleeping in class a lot."

"Very observant Sherlock Holmes."

"..... I stand corrected. So what's wrong anyways?" He continued, flicking her forehead playfully. She groaned, crossing her arms, putting them on the table, and hiding her face in them. "I don't think I should talk about it..." She mumbled as she looked back up to her brother, a slightly sad look in her eyes.

"Can I ask what it could be?"

She hesitated for a moment, then scooted closer to him, still keeping her head down. "Whisper it." She closed her eyes again, wondering if the teacher had noticed.

"Island issues?"

"Not really. Try again, you still have a chance to win the prize!" 

"Funny, Steve Harvey. I don't know, relationship issues?" 

"Getting hotter." She replied before yawning and looking back up at Jonas.

"Wow! Didn't think you'd be having relationship problems since last time I checked you aren't dating anyone." He poked her arm, getting more curious about the subject. 

"Last time I checked, you weren't either. What if I had a one night stand, or-"

"Wait, did you?" His eyes widened and his voice had genuine surprise in it.

"No! I'm just saying not to assume! I have standards Jonas!" She quickly defended, rubbing her arms and shivering. She frowned and sighed, rolling her pencil on her desk. "I'm just going to say it... Clarissa and I-"

Silence. He blinked a few times, trying to think about what she said. "You and her? Are you joking or..."

She shook her head, sitting up and sliding her textbook in her bag.

"I wish I was." Standing up to grab her bag, she paid the conversation no more attention as the bell rang. Jonas gathered his things, walking out with her as he tried to think of the right thing to say.

He finally sighed, breaking the tense silence between them. "But wasn't she Michael's girl-" "Yeah." He didn't say anything else as they walked to his car, awkwardly staying silent. Alex reached in her pocket to grab her phone to if her mom had text, then realized it wasn't there. 

"Shit, ah, I left my phone on my desk...." She mumbled, opening the door to throw her bag in, then closing it. 

"I'll be right back!" She yelled to Jonas, then walked briskly to the classroom. She opened the door, surprised to see Clarissa speaking to the teacher. Staying quiet, she walked to her desk and picked up her phone, hoping she wouldn't notice.

As soon as she opened he door again to leave, Clarissa turned and immediately glared at her. She frowned, then stepped out. Today was not a day she wanted to deal with the bitch of all bitches. Even if she did really like her. 

She made her way outside quickly, practically running to the car, getting in and sinking into the seat. "Ugh...." 

He watched her for a moment, shaking his head and starting to drive. "You got a lot to tell me." She gave him a dour look, then looked at her messages. She had one from Ren, just asking her some random question, to which she guessed he was high when he texted her. Clarissa had also texted her, asking her if they could talk again later. She hesitated to type something back, putting her phone down and deciding that she just didn't want to talk to her.

She remembered a time when she went camping with Michael after he had started dating Clarissa. She recalled him telling her, "If you feel so strongly for a person, go for it! You only live once sis!"

Would he still tell her that if he was alive and knew her predicament currently? 

Of course not, _Alex._

She leaned her head against the window, closing her eyes and trying to think about everything that happened in the past two days. Running her fingers over the dashboard, she took in a sharp breath, holding her head in one hand. She winced at the start of a dull pain. 

Jonas parked outside the house, stepping out before glancing back at Alex. He sighed and walked in as she took a look at her phone again, starting to text Clarissa.

'I don't want to talk to you for now' is what she typed, sending it and shoving her phone back in her bag.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?


	3. Addicted

Clarissa walked around with Nona and Ren, trying to ignore any romantic remarks they made to one another. She scoffed when Ren kissed her best friend's cheek, rolling her eyes. She wasn't too much of a fan of their constant PDA. ~~Not to mention it reminded her of making out with Alex.~~ Well, she tried not to think of it too much, staring at the clear, blue sky

After a while of Clarissa ignoring them, Nona gently tapped her shoulder, smiling sweetly to her. Ren was clinging to her arm, a dorky smile on his face. "So, what were you doing the other two nights?" She inquired as she walked at the same pace she was walking.

Clarissa paused, wondering what she'd answer with. She didn't want to talk about what she was truly doing around Ren, but she also felt she had to tell her best friend the truth. She glanced at the happy couple, who both awaited an answer from her. 

"Just the usual." She muttered, watching the leaves on the trees slowly fall and gently fall on the ground. Nona gave her a suspicious look, then turned back to her boyfriend. He looked at her, then to the taller girl. "Are you two like using telekinesis?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at them. "I mean are we talking about something that I can know too?" Ren glanced over, looking to see whether or not he was irritating Clarissa. 

"No." Clarissa grumbled in a snarky manner, putting her hands on her hips. They continued to casually walk around the park until Ren stopped suddenly. "Ah crap! I left my phone in the car!" He whined, then kissed Nona's forehead. "I'll be back!" Clarissa waited a minute after he left, then turned to the shorter girl. "I didn't want to talk to you with the weasel around about this." She told her, walking to the grass and sitting on it gingerly. She pat the spot next to her, motioning for her to sit with her. 

Nona sat by her, looking to her with a small smile. "What's going on? Are you... uh... Is it that time of the month?" She asked awkwardly as she pulled on the blades of grass, flicking it to the side.

"No! Ughh... She rolled her eyes, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket, looking at it carelessly. "Well... Have you ever wanted something so much, but it's horribly wrong and you should absolutely not do it? But... it's oddly comforting and you can't help but want it badly?" She asked cautiously, laying back and groaning, covering her eyes and trying to think her words carefully. Would what she say harm their friendship? God, she hoped not...

Nona stayed quiet, looking at her blue nails. She picked at her flaking nail polish as she listened to her. "Hm? Uh, no... That's oddly specific though. What's going on?" She murmured, tilting her head and frowning.

She wasn't sure what to say now, she wanted to tell her it was nothing, but also wanted to be honest.

"I made out with Alex!" She yelled in a frustrated tone, at the wrong time since Ren had started to walk back to the two. 

"What the fuck!" Ren yelled back as he dropped his phone out of surprise, cracking it. 

"God damn it! You didn't hear that! I swear if you tell anyone-" She immediately sat up, angrily crossing her arms and glaring at the blonde. 

Ren nervously put his hands up in his defense, hiding behind Nona. "I won't! I won't! Don't hurt me!" He squealed as he cowered from her, hiding his face in particular. Nona pat his head, then turned back to her and pursed her lips. "So you uh.... You made out with her huh?" 

"Sort... of?" Clarissa said as she fixed her hair quietly. She stared Ren down for a while, then looked to Nona. She took a cigarette out of the pack, trying to find her lighter in her coat pocket. "Just, don't say anything at all about it. I... Ugh!" She lit the cigarette, taking a puff of it and coughing. "I'm not thinking straight right now!"

They all grew quiet, Clarissa slightly biting down on her cigarette out of embarrassment. Ren had laid his head on Nona's lap, eyeing Clarissa cautiously. She glared at him still, then turned away, not too focused on them. The silence was unbearable between the three of them, especially since Ren had learned something new about his best friend. He seemed tense about it, not to mention the fact that he wasn't sure that he'd be able to keep from blabbing about them.

"It's weird..."

Nona looked over at her, furrowing her brow. "Uh, what's weird?" 

Tears started to form in Clarissa's eyes, she quickly hid her face, shaking her head and taking the cigarette out of her mouth, studying it carefully. She didn't like crying, but she wasn't sad, she didn't care, she was just...

_...Frustrated._

She wiped them away quickly, composing herself to face her two friends. She put it out by crushing it into the dewy grass, dragging out a long sigh as she stared down in shame.

"I feel like I'm using her...."

Ren immediately sat up when he heard her, looking at her with spite in his eyes. "Excuse me!? You better not be! Alex deserves way better than this! Have you no shame?" He blabbered, narrowing his eyes angrily.

She groaned, not quite mentally prepared to deal with Ren's lecturing. She snapped her fingers at him, shaking her head. "Hey, chill for a moment. You aren't really understanding what I mean by that." Defensively, she stood up and crossed her arms again. 

"It just doesn't feel right. Isn't it wrong to want my ex's sister?"

"Yes, very." Nona pointed out, shrugging and leaning back. "But why do you care? You've moved on right? You're not dating him anymore. She's uh... his sister, coincidentally."

The awkward silence surrounded them again, making them uncomfortable and unsure of what to say. It lingered longer that time, the only noises they heard were the soft tweeting of birds and the wind rustling the leaves on the trees, continuously making them fall. Clarissa thought of the times she had sat in this very park with Michael, laughing and joking with him. Kissing him. Laying with him. Counting the stars... Talking about what their future could be. 

_But deep down, she felt like their daydreams would never be._

Then she thought about Alex.

The day they met, the small conversations they'd have, the little jokes they shared, bonding with Michael. She remembered a time where she tagged along with the two to go to the beach, when Alex first took Michael's jacket, refusing to give it back because she was cold. She always found it quite adorable how she'd just go out and do things boldly. Sure, she'd do other things boldly, like go to parties, have useless hook-ups, but Alex was different in the term bold. She did things her own way, took control of leadership, and her personality in general.

She liked that.


	4. Normal..?

Alex fixed her shirt and jacket as she walked into the pizza parlor, which smelled deliciously of pizza. She took her seat by Jonas greeting him happily, then turned to look at the others. Clarissa had sat by Nona, but Ren had sat down on the other side of Jonas, so she guessed that she might've put him into check or something of the sort by letting him know she did not want to sit near him.

~~She could feel her heart race as she glanced at Clarissa.~~

Just the usual. Nothing was out of the ordinary.

....Besides how Clarissa was looking at her. The taller girl had her arms crossed, eyes narrowed and watching her every move. She couldn't quite tell if she was pissed or didn't care about her, probably both. So Alex ignored her, turning away from her gaze and smiling to the others. 

"Wow, it feels like so long since we all got together and just chilled..." Alex reminisced, which got a nod of agreement from Nona. "Yup, honestly I'm excited. It'll be good to catch up." She couldn't help but think about what Clarissa had confided in her and Ren, but didn't dare ask Alex anything.

"Well, I'm starving for some food, so how about a pepperoni pizza?" Jonas chimed in, starting to stand up to go order. Ren nodded, then scooted over next to Alex. "Move you feet loose your seat!"

The other rolled his eyes at his antics, going to order the pizza. Alex smiled and ruffled his hair before giving him a small hug. "I feel like we haven't talked too much either, whatcha up to?"

"Finding a good college mainly, and hanging out with Nona! I think I've been pretty good! Actually, I have a question-"

Nona knocked her glass of soda on herself when Ren said that, getting up quickly and pulling on his arm. "Oh, uh shit! Ren, come with me so I can get the soda off of myself!" She quickly tugged him away, scolding him quietly for something. Alex realized that she was basically alone with Clarissa at the table now. She looked over to her awkwardly, not sure what to say. 

"So, why are you staring at me?" Clarissa inquired, leaning on the table and looking as intimidating as usual. 

"I didn't mean to." Alex defended, looking for wherever their friends had run off to. "..... So what's your deal?"

"What's my deal? What's your deal, you keep kissing me and I keep... ugh...." Alex gave a frustrated sigh as she kept her eyes down. 

"Do you want me to stop? Because I'll stop." 

"N-no! ....maybe? I-I don't know...." She admitted. 

Clarissa sighed, getting up and sitting down next to her, looking around the parlor to ensure no one they knew would see. 

_Who didn't they know in this hellishly small town?_

"You have to communicate with me Alex, I really don't want to keep kissing you only for you to give me mixed emotions." 

"It's hard to communicate when you were my brother's girlfriend." Clarissa frowned as Alex said that, then got slightly closer to her. 

"No shit."

"Stop being a bitch for a second." Alex muttered back. 

"Make me."

_Too close..._

Out of frustration, Alex pulled Ckarissa towards herself, kissing her and slightly biting on her lip. Clarissa let her, then kissed back before pulling away. 

"..... We really gotta stop doing that." 

"Kissing out of anger?" 

"Mmhm..." 

Clarissa nodded as she quickly stood up, looking down at Alex and noticing the familiar red jacket that had belonged to Michael. Alex was like a goddamn walking reminder of him. 

Jonas walked back over, looking at them as to say 'I saw that.' He fake coughed, then sat back down next to Alex. "Were you two fighting or-"

"Yeah..." Clarissa answered almost mindlessly as she trudged back to her seat. Alex looked at her, a sad look in her eyes. "I just said something I shouldn't have said." Alex took the blame quickly, standing up and walking away. "I need some air."

Clarissa stood, following after, knowing that she probably wanted to talk. 

Alex sat outside, staring at the road quietly and picking at her nails. Clarissa sat next to her, looking to her with a genuinely worried look. "Are you... ok?"

"I honestly don't know. I wish I knew myself." She placed her cheek in her hand, looking up at Clarissa.

"I just have to know, do you see anything happening between us?" Alex questioned, looking at her seriously now. 

"Maybe. If we could work it out. We could try working it out?" She mumbled, wanting to kiss her again, to just grab her and pull her onto her lap, let her know that it was fine. She didn't make a move.

"That.... yeah that sounds perfect..." Alex said, turning to face Clarissa. "Let's clarify the fact that it's fine for us to date. Nothing is holding us back, we're just both worried about the fact Michael was dating you and I'm his sister and it seems weird."

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it was." She replied with a curt nod. Slowly, she slipped her hand over hers, gently squeezing it and giving her a reassuring look. 

"But I don't mind the weirdness if it means we can be together." Clarissa told her, moving closer. Close enough to just lean in and kiss her....

Alex nodded slowly, then leaned on Clarissa, tears starting in her eyes. "I-I'm sorry I don't know why I'm crying... there's just like a car of emotions that just hit me right now..." She said quietly, trying to smile to Clarissa. The other smiled, kissing her cheek and wiping her tears carefully with her fingers. "Hey. Hey it's okay." 

They sat there together on the cool cement, Alex resting her head on Clarissa's shoulder while Clarissa comforted her. Watching the sun set together again, they felt at peace for once since the island. There was a calm, warm breeze and it seemed to get colder as they sat there longer, Clarissa stood finally, helping Alex up and walking her back into the warm pizza parlor, holding her hand with no shame.

Alex could almost feel the few cold stares they got from some people inside. Camena was a small town after all, it seemed like everyone knew everyone.

She didn't care. She had all she could have ever wanted right here with her as they walked back to the table to sit with their friends.

No questions came from then, but no glares or stares came either. It was completely normal, just a group of friends hanging out and eating pizza.


	5. Our Ups and Downs

Clarissa and Alex both hated water, a fact all of their friends knew too well. Water gave them bad memories.

But still, Clarissa got invites to pool parties regularly. So there she and Alex were, trying on swimsuits for the party. Specifically, Alex was trying on swimsuits. She pulled on a black bikini, frowning and looking at herself in the mirror. She jumped when she heard a knock at the door, turning to open it very slightly. Clarissa peeked her head in, smiling to Alex tiredly. "Is this the one?"

"I'm.... not sure..." Alex opened the door slightly more, letting her inside. Clarissa looked her up and down, then pulled her hair tie out of her hair, giving a satisfied smirk. "Perfect."

Alex blushed, pushing her hair behind her ears and rubbing her arm. "I don't know... I can't even swim...." She mumbled, pulling her jacket on, giving a good look at herself in the mirror. It just felt weird to her, Clarissa practically had to beg just to pull her into the store when she found out why they were there. 

The taller girl shrugged, sitting on the bench near the mirror and giving her another look head to toe. "Honestly Kitten-"

"Don't call me that-"

"It looks nice on you. I'm being honest here, not something you get from me a lot," Wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and kissing her cheek. "so just keep that in mind." Alex blushed as she listened to what she said, once again looking at herself in the mirror. "You think I look good?"

"Yup."

She finally nodded and shooed Clarissa out of the dressing room to change, mainly because she was kind of embarrassed to be in just this in a dressing room. She quickly changed back into her white t-shirt, ripped jeans and red jacket, then casually walked out holding the swimsuit. 

"Please don't push me in the pool like you did in like 6th grade." Alex pleaded, walking to the register with Clarissa. The red head snickered softly and rubbed her hair. "I'll try not to."

"Hi." Alex greeted the cashier with a small smile, putting the swimsuit on the counter. 

"Hi." The cashier seemed to not care too much, taking the swimsuit and scanning the price, then putting it in a bag. "25 dollars." 

"You're not too pleasant." Clarissa remarked, handing her the money and taking the bag. 

"You're not a saint either so I wouldn't be talking." The girl shot back, rolling her eyes and ignoring them.

Clarissa pulled Alex along, walking out the door and sighing. "I hate people from our school who act like that." 

"You act like that."

"Yeah but at least not at my job." 

"That's a fallacy! You threw chicken nuggets at Michael once when we went through the drive through!"

Clarissa paused for a moment, staring at her and trying to hold back a laugh. "Did you just say 'fallacy'? Oh my god, are we in English class right now?" 

"I'm sure you need an extra class because you had someone do your homework the other day-"

Playfully, Clarissa punched Alex's arm, shaking her head. "Oh hush!" She giggled and shrugged, smiling to Clarissa and grabbing her hand. 

~~~~~~~~

"I think I want to sit out swimming. I can't even do it." Alex had dipped her feet into the pool, kicking the water towards her girlfriend, who was somewhat submerged in the water. She looked at her reflection in the water sadly, it just reminded her when Michael was teaching her how to swim.

_Remember how helpless he looked as he flailed in the water, screaming garbled since the water was getting into his lungs? Remember how you let him die?_

Her eyes became glassy as she stared at the cruel liquid. She felt someone take her hand and she quickly snapped out of whatever had compelled her to think of the horrible memory. Clarissa seemed to know what was wrong as she held onto Alex's hand. She pulled herself up, sitting on the cement by her. She wrapped her arm around her, water getting on Alex's back and arms. She didn't mind. She embraced her, rubbing her back and petting her hair. 

Tears rolled down Alex's cheek as she hid her face on Clarissa's shoulder, sniffling and smelling the faint scent of chlorine on her skin. She hated this, crying because she looked at the damn water and suddenly had thought of her brother's death.

~~Didn't help that Clarissa was hugging her and trying to comfort her about it, the thing she had been infuriated by and had blamed Alex for.~~

"Let's just go home." Clarissa suggested, pulling Alex up with her. Alex didn't say a word, just nodded, handing Clarissa her dark blue towel. She shivered as she wrapped the towel around herself and took Alex's hand. 

"It's cold tonight." She mumbled as she picked up their bags, then guided her to her car.

"You were in the water." Clarissa shook her head as Alex spoke, frowning. "No shit Sherlock." 

"Are you my Watson then?" She teased, getting in the car and sticking her tongue out at Clarissa. Clarissa suddenly leaned over, kissing her and biting softly on her lip. "Guess so." She whispered softly to Alex. She could feel her warm breath and taste the coffee on her lips and tongue. 

_God, was it intoxicating..._

She gripped at Alex's waist, she could feel the pressure of her fingers digging into her shirt. It felt like she was gently pinching her, but it felt comforting in a way. It was starting to become harder to _resist_ her....

But suddenly Clarissa pulled away, sitting back up in her seat and eyeing Alex in a strained way. She turned the car on, driving quietly. 

".... I'm sorry it's just...." She turned to look at Alex again, dark brown eyes staring into her soul almost.

".... did you think about Michael?" The other cautiously asked as she shifted on her seat. She tried to relax and lean back to hopefully relieve the obvious tension that filled the car.

".... Yeah...." 

It got strangely quiet, the silence becoming unbearable. It felt strange, and it was strange. Why didn't it feel strange earlier?

But it stayed like that the whole ride home.


	6. We Bid You Adieu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

It was hard, being in the relationship. It was hard to kiss her, it was hard to even look at her without thinking of him. She was just... So like him. They weren't exactly alike, but at certain times most moments shone through their differences and it was almost like replaying a memory. It hurt.

The way Alex would gaze at her, smiling very slightly, that always brought back memories of Michael when she'd do something he found cute. The way she had a very slight similarity to her brother's personality, it scared Clarissa. She never noticed until then. _It hurt._

Then the way she'd hug her, and kiss her, how comforting and pleasant it felt, how _familiar_ her touch was. ~~It hurt.~~

~~Everything she did just hurt her more.~~

Clarissa stared at the sunset, sitting on a chair in the backyard. She just needed a moment before seeing Alex again. She didn't want to hurt her. Warm air blew against her skin, which she detested. She hated when it got too warm, she couldn't stand the heat. 

She knew that she loved Alex, there was no doubt, but there was the constant haunting reminder of Michael. She knew it probably hurt Alex too. 

There was a time she and Michael had gone to a party, got way to drunk, then managed (somehow) to lead each other home. She remembered Alex's scolding eyes the most. All she could do was stare at her. She found it strange that it was the one thing she could clearly remember that night. She slightly remembered Alex also attempting to drive her home so she would have to drive in her drunken stance-which she had successfully did as Clarissa had remembered it-then refused to testify that she had been so kind to help her home. She also remembered slightly Micheal babbling about something in the passenger seat and trying to annoy his dear sister. Now that she recollected her thoughts, was she even that drunk at the time? She pushed away the thoughts, standing up and pacing to the door.

Once inside, she was welcomed by the surprising smell of vanilla, maybe Jonas was trying to cook again. She didn't really care, but at the same time made it a point to look out for the over-protective step-brother. _'He didn't need to be so protective of Alex, she could fend for herself.'_ Clarissa thought as she glanced about, looking to see if Alex had settled in anywhere in the living room or the kitchen, then quickly spotted her. It wasn't too hard, her hair was teal. 

Alex had curled up on the couch, wrapped in a cozy blanket. She was deep in thought, thinking about what had happened. She didn't look up upon hearing the heels of Clarissa's boots click against the floor. The clicking wasn't annoying, but it made her feel.... anxious. She moved over slightly and finally looked up at Clarissa. 

"Are you alright? I mean... You're probably not but... Are you fine now?" She stumbled along her words, trying to figure out what would be right to say.

Clarissa sat by her, about to wrap her arm around her but quickly stopped herself and clasped her hands together. "Mmhm. Sorry, it's just sometimes... sometimes it's too much for me. You look and act like him, it just...."

"Hurts?" Alex questioned, looking at her with tired brown eyes, the same kind of eyes Michael had. God, Clarissa hated it, feeling this way and feeling guilty, especially since she wanted to love everything about Alex, not hate it and want to never look at her. 

She swallowed thickly, nodding slowly and looking at her, forcing herself to just not look away. "It does."

"He was my brother Clarissa, I-" 

"I know he was your damn brother-" Her tone rose quickly, but she stopped herself, seeing the concern in Alex's eyes. It was almost a fearful concern. "I-I'm sorry..." She mumbled, trying to not look at her, leaning back on the couch. Alex slowly leaned on her, resting herself on Clarissa, keeping her eyes on the TV.

"I get it so uh... apology accepted." She murmured, yawning and hugging her. Slowly, Clarissa embraced her, trying to not cry. Alex rested her face on her shoulder as they slowly curled up together, snuggling up together.

She started to feel more relaxed with Alex curled up in her arms just watching TV. She twirled her hair with her fingers, pulling it out of its ponytail and feeling how soft and silky it felt. 

For once, Clarissa felt content. Drowsily, Alex craned her neck slightly to look at her, then smiled. "You know I love you right?"

It wasn't too hard to tell, but of course at first, way before all of this, it wasn't plain to see. Way before this she'd say she didn't realize. Clarissa couldn't help but smile, then nod. "Of course. You know I love you too, it's just still strange."

"Yeah, to be honest I'm still trying to get used to this." She replied softly.

They laid there with no worries, slowly drifting off to sleep peacefully. 

_What a happy ending, for now....._


End file.
